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I can’t help but think about how different my life would have been had my parents taught me about courting and chivalry. Of course they wanted the best for me, but perhaps I would have spent less time after my divorce“dating” and prayerfully courting with someone. I would not change a single thing about where my life is now – I have three beautiful children who mean the absolute world to me, and a husband who is my rock.
Let’s examine what “courting” is. Courtship takes the position that the two people have no physical contact at all (no touching, no hand-holding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are present at all times. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if the other person is a suitable potential marriage partner. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for the two people to truly get to know each other in a more platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view (Got Questions) .
Some may find this to be oppressive, and I’m sure it can be. However, one could also argue that promiscuity is more oppressive. At least in my personal experience, I was always left feeling so unfulfilled and broken. Looking back, the desperation makes me cringe.
Can there be a happy medium? I think so. When I met Kirk, I was in the middle of a very long, nasty divorce and custody battle. I recall him saying very pointedly to me that he firmly believed in the sanctity of marriage. Well, that was odd. I hadn’t ever met a guy like him before–most were interested in just a few things, and honoring me was far from that for most.
For those of you who have yet to hit the “dating” scene, I encourage you to check out this new movie called Old Fashioned. The main character reminded me a lot of my husband–a far cry from the “norm”, especially for a twenty-something. If the only thing it does it make you pause the next time you agree to a date, then I feel it’s done its work. I will be following up in a few weeks about the book and devotional I’m reading on it. The movie was definitely thought-provoking. Check out the trailer below.
A romantic-drama, OLD FASHIONED centers on Clay Walsh, a former frat boy who gives up his reckless carousing and now runs an antique shop in a small Midwestern college town. There, he has become notorious for his lofty and outdated theories on love and romance as well as for his devout belief in God. When Amber Hewson, a free-spirited young woman with a restless soul, drifts into the area and rents the apartment above his shop, she finds herself surprisingly drawn to his strong faith and noble ideas, which are new and intriguing to her. And Clay, though he tries to fight and deny it, simply cannot resist being attracted to her spontaneous and passionate embrace of life. Ultimately, Clay must step out from behind his relational theories and Amber must overcome her own fears and deep wounds as the two of them, together, attempt the impossible: an “old-fashioned” and God-honoring courtship in contemporary America.