We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you ... you're just helping re-supply our family's travel fund.
We may earn money or products from the companies mentioned in this post. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive a small commission at no extra cost to you … you’re just helping re-supply our family’s travel fund.
I have flown with kids 47 times. Four kids, three continents, everything from a 45-minute puddle-jump with a screaming newborn to a 14-hour flight to Japan with a 3-year-old and a 7-year-old. I have been the parent everyone feels sorry for. I have also been the parent who gets off a 10-hour flight looking relatively functional while other families are visibly unraveling. The difference is almost entirely preparation. Here is everything I wish I’d known from the very first flight.
Before You Book: The Decisions That Set You Up for Success
Seat Selection Is Everything
Do not book flights without choosing your seats. On a narrowbody plane (most domestic and short-haul flights), book the window and aisle seats in a row of three — leave the middle seat. If the flight is not full, the middle will stay empty and you’ll have extra space. If someone books it, they will almost always swap for the window or aisle without complaint.
On widebody long-haul planes, look for the center section seats — rows of 4 in the middle. A family of four can book the whole middle row with no strangers between you. For families with a baby in a bassinet, specifically request a bulkhead row (row closest to the cabin wall) — this is where the bassinets mount, and it has extra legroom.
Lap Infant Rules You Need to Know
On domestic US flights, children under 2 can fly as lap infants for free. On most international flights, lap infants are charged approximately 10% of the adult fare — which sounds cheap until you realize that’s $60-180 depending on the route, plus the infant doesn’t get a seat or luggage allowance.
Here is my honest advice: book a seat for any child over 18 months on any flight over 3 hours. Lap infants on long flights are genuinely exhausting — you cannot set them down, you cannot sleep, your arms go numb, and it is statistically less safe in turbulence. The FAA recommends that all children have their own seat with a car seat installed. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I wish I’d done from the beginning.
TSA PreCheck for the Whole Family — For Free
This is one of the most underused travel tips for families. If a parent or guardian has TSA PreCheck, all children under 13 can use the PreCheck lane with that parent — no separate enrollment, no fee. You do not have to remove shoes, take out electronics, or remove liquids. With a stroller, a diaper bag, and three tired children, the difference between a regular security line and PreCheck is not 10 minutes — it’s sanity.
Packing for the Flight: The Real List
For Babies and Infants
- Diapers: bring double what you think you need — always. A single diaper blowout on a long-haul flight can go through everything you brought
- Change of clothes for baby — at least two outfits
- Change of clothes for YOU — one shirt minimum. You will need it
- Nursing cover or formula (pre-measured in individual containers)
- Baby carrier that fits under the seat — invaluable for walking the aisle
- A pacifier or bottle specifically for takeoff and landing (see ear pressure section)
- White noise app on your phone loaded offline
For Toddlers (18 months – 4 years)
- Tablet loaded with offline content (Netflix downloads, Disney+ downloads) — do this the night before, not at the gate
- Over-ear headphones sized for toddlers (these fit better than earbuds and stay on)
- Sticker book — hours of entertainment, zero screen time guilt
- Play-Doh in an airtight container — the altitude changes can make the lid pop, seal it with a rubber band
- A brand new small toy wrapped in paper — see the bribery section below
- Snacks they already love plus one special treat they only get on flights
- Change of clothes plus an extra pair of pants
For School-Age Kids (5+)
- Their own small backpack — they carry it, they own it, they are responsible for it
- Books or activity workbooks (keeps them off screens for some of the flight)
- Card games (Uno, Go Fish) for family time during the flight
- Headphones and a device loaded with their shows and games
- Snacks they can open themselves
- Journal or sketch pad — some kids genuinely love recording the trip
Getting Through the Airport: Strategy, Not Luck
Early Boarding: Use It, But Know the Strategy
Almost every airline boards families with young children before general boarding. Use this. Get on, get organized, get the overhead bin space you need, get the kids settled before the crush of people boarding around you. There is a school of thought that says “board last so the kids spend less time confined” — this works only if you have nothing to set up and no baby gear to manage. If you have a car seat to install, a diaper bag to organize, or a bassinet to request, board early.
Gate Check vs. Carry-On Car Seat
You can gate-check a car seat for free on virtually every airline — it goes under the plane and comes back at the jetway when you land. This is convenient but exposes the car seat to baggage handler treatment. If you want your car seat installed during the flight (FAA-recommended for children under 40 lbs), you carry it on and install it in the seat. The FAA-approved car seats are narrower than most — verify yours fits in an airplane seat (usually 17″ or less in width) before you travel.
Strollers Through Security
You can bring a stroller through the security checkpoint and gate-check it for free. At TSA, fold the stroller, put it on the belt, and carry your baby through the metal detector. With TSA PreCheck this is actually manageable. Without PreCheck, budget extra time.
On the Plane: The Systems That Keep You Sane
The Snack Strategy
Never rely on airline food timing for children. Bring your own snacks, organized by type, and dole them out strategically. Don’t give everything away in the first hour. Save the special treat (fruit snacks, a small candy, crackers they love) for turbulence, for when another passenger is visibly irritated, for the last 45 minutes when everyone is over it. Snacks are currency on planes with children.
Bribery Is a Legitimate Parenting Tool
I will not apologize for this. On the morning of a long flight, wrap a small, inexpensive toy in paper. Tell your toddler it’s a special airplane present they get to open at takeoff. A $3 pack of stickers or a $5 small Lego set can buy 45-60 minutes of calm, delighted focus right when you need it most. This works reliably from ages 2 to about 7, and I encourage you to use it without shame.
Ear Pressure: What Actually Helps
Ear pressure during takeoff and descent is caused by rapid air pressure changes in the cabin. The Eustachian tube, which equalizes pressure in the ear, functions poorly in infants and young children. For babies, nursing or bottle feeding during takeoff and landing provides swallowing action that equalizes pressure — do this every single time. For toddlers, gum (if old enough) or sucking on a straw works. For older kids, yawning, swallowing repeatedly, or the Valsalva maneuver (gentle nose-hold and gentle blowing) helps. If a child has a cold or ear infection, ask your pediatrician about children’s decongestants before flying — congestion significantly worsens ear pain.
Toddler Movement on Long Flights
A toddler confined to a seat for 10 hours will, at some point, need to move. Plan for a few “laps” — walk up and down the aisle during low-activity periods of the flight. Many flight attendants will let toddlers stand at the galley for a few minutes and stretch. Do this proactively before the meltdown, not after it starts.
When It Goes Wrong: The Meltdown Survival Kit
Delays With Kids
A 3-hour gate delay with young children is a special kind of challenge. The airport survival kit: fully charged tablet with downloaded content, snacks beyond what you need for the flight, a small collapsible blanket or stuffed animal for comfort, and the willingness to spend $15 at the airport newsstand on a new magazine or small toy without guilt. The gate area is your domain for the next three hours — establish a spot, create a little zone, and settle in.
The Meltdown Itself
It will happen. What you do matters less than you think — the flight will land, and no one will remember. Stay calm, speak quietly to the child, do not escalate your own stress (kids feel it immediately). A cold wet cloth on the face can short-circuit a tantrum in toddlers — ask a flight attendant for ice water and a napkin. Walks work. New snacks work. The wrapped present works. But sometimes nothing works, and that is also fine.
What to Say to Fellow Passengers
Nothing elaborate. If a toddler is being disruptive and a passenger is visibly annoyed, a simple, genuine “I’m so sorry — we’re doing our best” is enough. Most adults have either been there or have empathy. A small bag of candy left for the row around you at the start of a long flight (a popular travel hack) genuinely earns goodwill. It’s not necessary, but it changes the energy of the entire row.
Landing and Adjusting Time Zones With Kids
Children actually adapt to new time zones faster than adults — their circadian clocks are more plastic and responsive to light cues. The keys are: get outside in natural light on arrival, keep meal times close to local time, and don’t let them nap past 3pm local time on the first day. For a toddler with a rigid nap schedule, the first 24-48 hours may involve some very early mornings. Plan for low-key first day activities — parks, playgrounds, outdoor walks — rather than packed museum days right after landing.
The most important thing I’ve learned in 47 flights with kids is this: traveling with children is not a lesser version of traveling alone. It’s different, louder, and occasionally mortifying — and it is also the most reliable way to raise humans who are comfortable in the world, who adapt to new places with curiosity rather than fear, and who grow up understanding that adventure is a normal part of life. Every chaotic flight is a deposit in that account.
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